Basic Listening Skills
UNIT – III
Basic Listening Skills: Introduction, Self-Awareness, Active Listening, Becoming an Active Listener,
Listening in Difficult Situations
Basic Listening Skills
"The
basic building block of good communications
is the feeling that every human being
is unique and of value."
-Author Unknown
Introduction
Good listeners are rare these days. Studies have shown that most
listeners retain less than 50%
of what they hear. Imagine what that means when it comes to a conversation that you might have with your boss, a colleague, or a customer. If you speak for ten
minutes, chances are that you have only
heard about half of that conversation – and so have they. No wonder mis communications happen
so frequently!
Yet listening is one of the most vital skills that you need if you want to communicate effectively. Listening allows you to ‘decode’ the messages that you are receiving, butit also allows you to help others communicate better. When you
aren’t certain of the message that you have heard the first time, listening well allows you to ask the questions that will clarify the message.
Of course, listening
is important in more arenas than in the work place. We listen
for multiple reasons:
·
To build relation
ships
·
To understand
others
·
To be entertained
·
To learn
·
To show empathy
·
To gather information
With as much as listening
can do for us, it’s obvious that we can all benefit from
improving our listening skills. We
can become more productive at work, more connected in our relationships, and more efficient in everything
that we do. But listening also helps us to persuade and negotiate with others. It can help us avoid misunderstandings
and can just make life more conflict-free
in general. All of these are very
good reasons for learning more about how to be a better listener.
Self-Awareness
An important tool for becoming a good listener
is becoming aware of your own behavior, feelings, and habits when listening. Do you know whether
or not you are a good listener? Are
you only a good listener in certain situations, like when listening to a friend who is upset? Or can you
also listen in a tense situation when you have to communicate with someone who is angry, stressed, or
expressing an opposing opinion to your
own?
Take time to become
aware of your own listening behavior indifferent scenarios. Atwork, at home, with friends, with strangers, or with other groups that you communicate with, notice
the following:
·
Your body language–how
are you standing or sitting? Are you tense or relaxed? In an open position or a closed one?
·
Do you
make eye contact? Do you keep it? Or do
you look away, look down, or turn your
eyes to other people or things in your
environment?
·
Are you
following every word? Could you repeat what was just said
verbatim? Or is your mind wandering off
to lunch, that email you need to write, or that phone call you just had?
·
Are you planning
what you will say in return?
All of these behaviors make it difficult to
be a good listener. You may be sending the message to the speaker that their message is unimportant–or worse,
that they are unimportant. As you
practice better listening skills, you’ll need to be able to recognize
when you’re straying back to these old
behaviors. Being self-aware will let
you self – correct and get better
and better at listening to others.
Active Listening
Becoming
a better listener requires
improving your active listening skills. What is meant by active listening
skills? Most of us spend at least part of
the time that we are listening waiting for the person to stop so that we can have our next turn.
This is particularly true when a conversation is heated or when the information
we are trying to convey is very important.
Active
listening means being
as attentive and involved in the conversation during the times that you are listening as when you are
speaking. You must learn to be consciously attentive to the words that are
being said, but in addition, to the whole
message that the other person is attempting to relay to you. In order to do this you must pay close attention to the
speaker.
This requires concentration and practice. It means being certain that you either
liminate or ignore the distractions surrounding
you, and that you don’t spend the whole time coming up with your response to what they
are saying. This may sound difficult,
but there are some simple tools you can use to make active listening a regular habit.
Becoming an Active Listener
There are five key
aspects of becoming an active listener. You will probably already be employing some of them, but may need
to practice others. However, once you are using these tools overtime, you
will find that they get easier and easier. Plus, you’ll learn so
much about others and have such better
conversations that you will be positively rein forced each time you practice.
1. Pay close attention.
With
this step, you learn to give
the speaker your undivided attention.
But you also let the speaker know that you are listening by using acknowledgements–types
of verbal and non-verbal tools that help add proof that you are truly listening.
·
Look the speaker in
the eyes
·
Stop any mental chatter
·
Don’t start preparing
your response or rebuttal while the other person is talking
·
Make sure your environment
doesn’t distract you
·
Notice the speaker’s body language and tone of voice–what are
the non-verbal messages telling you?
·
If you are in a group, avoid side conversations
2. Demonstrate physically that you are listening.
Use non-verbal and verbal signals that you are listening to the speaker attentively.
·
Nod from time to time, when
appropriate
·
Use appropriate facial expressions
·
Monitor your
own body language. Be sure youre main open and relaxed rather than closed and
tense.
·
Use small comments like uh-huh, yes, right.
3. Check for
understanding.
As
we learned in the last
chapters, our personal experiences, our perceptions,
and our feelings can all influence
the way that we hear. It is possible for the message to get mistranslated or misinterpreted, so that we
hear a message that was not intended. Before responding, it’s important to check for understanding using these tools.
·
Use reflecting and paraphrasing. Check that you heard the message correctly by saying things like “what I hear you saying is….” or “If I’m hearing you correctly,
you’re saying…..” or “I think you’ re talking about….”.
·
Ask questions
that will help clarify the speaker’s meaning. Suggestions include things
like, “Can you tell me more about…..? ” or “What did
you mean when you said…? ”or “I think you’re saying…is
that right?”
·
Summarize what
you’ve heard occasionally–don’t wait until
the end or you might not remember exactly what was said.
4. Don’t interrupt!
There is nothing good that comes from interrupting the speaker.
You will only be limiting your chance of understanding the message
because you won’t hear it all–and because
the speaker will get frustrated!
5. Respond Appropriately.
When
you are actively listening, you are showing your respect for the speaker, as well
as gaining the information that you need to form
your response. Once you have that information and have clarified it,
it’s time to for my reply. When expressing your thoughts:
·
Be honest and open
·
Be respectful
·
Be thorough
Remember
too that you are modeling excellent behavior for others when you use active listening. Don’t be surprised to hear
others start to use clarifying questions
or reflecting phrases as well–which would be a good thing for everyone concerned!
Listening in Difficult Situations
Listening is particularly difficult when you are in a heated or emotionally charged situation. In order for your communication to be successful
and productive, you may need to employ some additional tools in order to listen to others and to allow for
the exchange of information despite your
feelings.
Some tips include:
Ø
If possible, suggest that you move the discussion to a private location with no distractions.
Ø If tension is high, start by agreeing on what your goal of the
discussion will be. Are you resolving a problem? Learning about what happened
in a difficult situation? Deciding roles
in an important project? Determining how to proceed in order to
reach a deadline? Come up with a
common goal that you can both agree to work towards and that
you can both refer back to should
the conversation go off-topic.
Ø If
you need to, set ground rules. These could include agreeing that you
won’t bring uphold events again, that you will
keep personal comments out of the
discussion, or that you will both keep your voices down.
Ø While
listening, remind yourself of the active
listening guidelines. Breathe slowly in and out in order to remain calm.
Ø If you can’t seem to pay attention, try repeating to yourself fin
your mind every word that the other person says. Then you are ‘hearing’ the
message twice and it has a better
chance of getting through.
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